This is Your Life

Drought, FarmWeek

You feel like you need some sort of self-improvement project. Don’t talk to girls for a month. Focus on learning code, getting a job, building interesting hobbies, good habits, resolve your internal issues, don’t use medication, commit to helping people, talk to your friends more, don’t cause your parents so much worry, become a better person.

Then you see an attractive girl walk by and all these years of Darwinian/Pavlovian conditioning kick in. Your mind says “go talk to her go talk to her; she’s pretty. Look at her ass. Go talk to her. This is your chance to interact with another human being and take a step into being the kind of person you want to be. Else you’ll be single forever and no one will love you.”.

Then your heart starts beating faster, temperature rises and your face and head start to heat up, you feel a tightness in your chest and abdomen. But that’s just your flight response to dreading that you’ll walk up to her and you’ll talk bullshit and she’d immediately dismiss you as not a viable mate and unworthy of fathering her babies.

But still, you do go talk to her, probably get her number. You managed to not be a weirdo through that interaction. She probably saw something in you that’s positive and was interested in seeing more. But from then on, you know it’s fucking problem upon problem. Hassle upon hassle. You need to start a text thread with her. You’ll go join the queue of 10,000 guys on her WhatsApp.

You have to be the most interesting guy in the world to keep her in the conversation because half these girls only have the attractiveness going for them. You have to do all the work, except you’re fucking Denola Grey. Then she already likes you.

But you’re not him. You’re you. You have to keep the conversation going and you better not be boring, you better not say a word that makes her perceive you as a dead guy. You have to give her an interesting experience. There’s a billion boys on her case on WhatsApp, and IG and Twitter and on her street, in her school, at her workplace, shooting their shot; and you have to stand out. You are only shooting your shot too, but you have to make it seem like you’re not like those other guys.

You’re not the guy that knows how to do that. You’re not the guy who’d take her out on a cool date and she’ll have a good time and it’ll be fun for her and she’ll want to see you again. You should get a job and learn to be that guy. Get to be the guy with an interesting life and hobbies, be a good person, and someone an attractive girl could consider a viable mate. But you’re not that guy. So, how do you become that guy?

Back at the top where we started.

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